John
John "Goofy" is a member of the Clout Kingdom discord server. He joined the server on October 10th, 2018 after meeting the young autistic god Evan on Twitch. Description Don't be mistaken by his mild-mannered appearance; the Half Gay King John Mango is a wily and experienced martial arts master underneath his milquetoast facade, specializing primarily in Muay Gay and Cock-Fu. His battles rage for days, and, when he gets bored of fighting, John is a video game speedrunner, attending such events as AGDQ, though not participating as to not destroy the hearts and minds of all who see him beat Ocarina of Time in thirty four seconds. Diseases''' ' * '''Weabooism,' an insurmountable and incurable condition that causes him to watch countless amounts of anime and hentai, as well as read shitty dōjinshi created by neckbeards, on a day to day basis. * Bisexuality, a mental condition in which John has a hard time pinning down his sexuality. This causes him to be attracted to women as well as men, and is speculated to be the reason for his original interest in Evan as a friend. * Space Rabies, acquired from the Space Nut Mongrels. * Kentucky Fried Chickenpox, a disease spread by contact with live chickens. The disease creates boils on the victim's skin that resemble live, cackling chicken faces. Besides this quirk, it is the same as regular chickenpox. Abilities and Powers John has many abilities, like playing the Kazoo with his ass and some break-dancing skills. * Shit Needle,'' an ancient technique from Japan passed down for generations even before humans inhabited it. The user makes a finger-gun with the hands by sticking the index fingers and middle fingers together, and charges with them upon an opponent's ass at an unbelievable speed. The result keeps the victim shitting on the ground and moaning in pain for at least several hours. * '''Dick Beam', a technique which allows the user to be able to shoot laser beams from his dick. Though strong, it is less powerful than Tonez's plasma laser when not charged using his Smoke Transportation sub-technique, but is far stronger if fully charged. It also has a fifteen to thirty minute cool-down period, similar to the average male ejaculation, but never misses its target. * Smoke Transportation, whereby the user can transport between worlds via the smoking of two fat ass blunts simultaneously. John is a master of this technique, as he is a master of smoking blunts, and has even created a sub technique in which he smokes four blunts at once and transfers the energy of other worlds into his dick beam.'' '' * Advanced Slurp Bass Cannon, in which the user slurps at peak volume and ruptures the eardrums of all persons in a 180 degree field in front of him. This technique can not be countered by conventional means. Major Events and Battles * The Slap Heard 'Round the Lunch Room * The Wave Pool Shit * The Ryan Trilogy * PHS Senior Prank 2012 * The Great War for Tonez's Peen Goals * To be as based as Lil B, may peace be upon him Quotes "Why am I black?" "I am my own biggest pimp." "I gave you this asshole and you gave me pain." "Haven't even figured it out, and I'm here jerking myself over Samus." "You about to get fucked harder than 6ix9ine getting fucked by the feds!" "I'm about to give a blowjob to my joycon."